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Madison, Wisconsin 40 minutes ago
A group of leftists were arrested and charged with animal abuse and bestiality today after it a local sheriff's deputy found them gang-raping a wire-haired terrier. The four college students from UW claimed they were certain the dog was a registered Republican, claiming that her name was on the rolls in Dane County. 'That little bitch was asking for it. When King George says jump, she asks, 'How high?'' stated one of the students, John Proctor, age 20. Reportedly, the four had been discussing the war in Iraq and the Administration's saber rattling regarding the nuclear program in Iran. They were augmenting the discussion with a case of beer when it grew more heated and the friendly dog happened by, sniffing the ground for tidbits. Coming up on the Labor Day weekend, they thought it was time to kick up there heels, so they took turns screwing the dog. 'This is the sickest thing I've seen in a long long time, ' said Deputy Walt Blastrow. 'These cretins may vote Democratic, but there's no way they represent me or anybody else I know. I don't like Republicans either but I can't see how a dog's political opinions ought to endanger her very life.' We're told that the bitch was NOT in heat and suffered severe physical and emotional trauma in the attack. She is currently resting comfortably at a local Madison veterinary hospital and is expected to make a full recovery.
Jake Blemovitz
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