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Bullhead City, AZ 20 minutes ago
'We've never had a Democrat run for office around here and we ain't about to start now,' said Clem Jankles, Republican Party Chairman for Mohave County, Arizona. A lone Democrat has entered the race for state senate as a write-in candidate and if he garners roughly 400 votes in the Democratic primary, he will be eligible to run against the incumbent Republican, unabashed conservative Ron Gould, in the general election in November. Jankles and his colleagues at the Republican Men's Club in Bullhead City are incensed. 'He was on the radio today. How the heck did he arrange that one, I'd like to know?' asked Jankles, who tells us he has done his utmost over the years to see that nobody but far right conservatives get any public exposure in Mohave County, which is billed as one of the most conservative counties in one of the most conservative states in the country. 'We all fought for our country and most of us are retired police,' continued Jankles. 'You screw up in these parts, we will make your life into a nightmare. You can trust me on that much.' Late this afternoon, Jankles arranged a public protest over the Democrat's candidacy and his appearance on the radio. He and several compatriots gathered on the steps of City Hall. Using a bullhorn, he exclaimed, 'That puke even went to college. Nobody goes to college who isn't a communist.' The men then squatted in unison and took a public shit together. One man's fecal matter was particulary loose while another seemed to have great difficulty squeezing out even a miniscule link, but otherwise, several piles of poop were left on the steps for the flies to investigate and the birds to pick the nuts out of. Jankles then stated that the Democrat could eat it after they beat the pants off him in the election. Sheriff Jim Barnes was asked if he intended to arrest the men for indecent exposure and for dumping toxic waste on public property, but all he said was, 'I don't know what you're talking about and I'm not interested.'
Bill Jenthrew
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